Are You Addicted to Achievement?

(published @ Mindanao Times, Late 2010)

Whenever people ask me what I do, I tell them that I teach Marketing at the Ateneo de Davao University, and that I write online and in print. But really, that’s not even half of the real story.

The truth is, I organize weddings, debuts and corporate events, run an online gift shop, do marketing and PR consultancy, run a small food processing business, teach Marketing, write for a newspaper, write for magazines, write for websites and write for art’s sake.

Usually, when people really have this full list of all the stuff I do and do on the side, they usually say “What a workaholic!” Every time I hear it, I usually laugh because for me, they might sound a lot, but that’s already a summarized list. I don’t even take up a full time office work because usually I get bored and I felt a little unproductive if I physically stagnate in the office.

I recently came across an online quiz which was entitled “Are you addicted to achievement?” The title struck me but I didn’t dare take the quiz because I knew what it’s going to tell me. That I am a sucker for achievement. For quite sometime, I always felt the need to achieve something, to do something that I think I can do just to prove that I really can do it. However, whenever I ask myself about the fulfillment I feel everytime I finish a task well, deliver great results or simply a Facebook message from a class saying they missed me for the day, I knew all those hard work finally paid off.

But not all women think like me.

There are a lot of women who admit to being workaholics and then losing the “meaning” that they used to see in their professions. What used to be careers simply became jobs, and these situations kept women from self actualizing. I even have close friends who admit to being so burned out in their jobs but then they couldn’t let it go because these jobs were paying the bills. (Mostly, credit card bills. Bah.)

There was a recent study in the USA that showed some positive life fulfillment stats during the recession. It said that there were a lot of women who lost their jobs because of the economic downturn and it made them reconnect with their family again.

“I was always busy, I didn’t have time to think things over. The demands of my job kept me distracted.” This was a quote from Dominique Browning, a once-career woman who lost her job and then realized that she found a different form of fulfillment with spending time with her children. Before, she just used to spend extra time with her office mates because she needed to keep up with their office gossip and other worthless things like celebrity chitchat and fashion updates.

My tip for a lot of career women out there—don’t forget to nurture a great personal life. Go date, party, spend time with your family, read a good book, take vacations once in a while, maintain a healthy lifestyle and most of all, don’t be too dependent on your phones and laptops. Also, remember that the more time you spend with work, the higher your expectations will go. And if you’ve got a sky high expectation but then the reality just fares a little above your head, you’ll only end up frustrated.

It’s also best to take some time alone and just enjoy the company of yourself. Get a massage, curl up with your favorite magazine, watch a much-awaited romantic comedy movie or sci fi documentary…whatever floats your boat. Don’t be like those other women who burn themselves out at work and then when their paychecks arrive, they appease themselves with material things that are oftentimes useless. Be a smart spender—of time and money. Invest in the right things. Great investments also make you feel fulfilled.

So if you ever find yourself getting addicted to achievement again, simply reassess your goals. See if it’s worth all the pressure. Put your happiness and fulfillment at the top of the list.

How do you feel about achievements and achieving? Hope you're not burning yourself out there, woman. 

Woman, Are You Too Emotional at Work?

When I was working as a front desk, I had a boss I really didn’t get along with very well. She admitted that she really has a short temper and that it is highly likely that she would pour all her frustrations and angst on me because, I was, after all, her executive assistant. Yes, kinda like that alalay with a blazer. And a bachelor's degree.

There were days when she’d start the day scolding me; noticing the littlest things in the office no one goes to except me anyway. It was very difficult because during most days, we would clash, but then I was forced to smile and act cheerful despite how I felt. I was manning the front desk, after all. I quit after a month and a half, and my career has been so much better since.

Now that I’m more than happy with where I am and what I do, I still find myself getting a tad too emotional about work. It made me realize, was I really too emotional about work? Are women too emotional at work?

I read somewhere that there’s something called a Workplace Emotion Evaluation Profile. (Funny, it’s acronym is even WEEP.) The WEEP is a tool to help people take care of their levels of “emotional resiliency”. It asks questions that try to measure your capacity to be emotional at any given time of the day and cross references it to how you deal with work issues and home issues. It also teaches one how to deal with very strong emotions like sympathy, fear, anger or anxiety. For the one who finds herself getting too emotional, she can start by asking herself about the common things that usually gets her very emotional, and how these affect work.

A topnotch career coach and psychologist, Anne Kreamer, advises to keep in mind the acronym DING when dealing with workplace-related emotions. First, “take Deep breaths, Imagine what the other person is feeling, Name those emotions and, Go on”. She says it is important to take that moment to reflect and put yourself in another person’s shoes. Afterwards, learn to move on and move forward since there is so much room for more productivity anyway.

I say that DING is, by far, the best advice that I have read. It has helped me get over the stuff that stress me out. Most of the things that I deal with when it comes to work (events management) are people who are very hard to get along with and things (out of my control) that screw all my  plans up.

If you ask me, maybe the top reasons why women oftentimes get too emotional at work (or be judged as such) is because women are generally more sensitive and we pick up the stimuli that most men don’t. We are more keen to detail and, sadly, we are even the harsher critics of workplace emotion. I admit, when I used to see a female co-worker crying, I see her as weak and I am irritated by the situation because I think she perpetuates the stereotype of women in the workplace tagged as weak. Moreover, women are more pressured for perfection and women are burdened with so many expectations in order to be labeled “successful”. (But don’t let me do all the ranting here. This is not a feminist column after all, hehe.)

Love,

Your New PR Girl